Hannah is 5 weeks old, and things are starting to settle down. The first 3 weeks of her life were just crazy, and with looking bad at how things have gone already, I have realized my biggest mistake already.

For 9 months I read and read and read about Hannah’s development, what was going on with me and all sorts of information about labor and delivery. I was totally prepped to welcome our little one into this world, at least that’s what I thought. I looked over the fact that I needed to read up on and learn about everything that would happen after Hannah arrived. I’m not sure I could’ve been totally prepared for her to be here, or even a little prepared for parenthood, but I’m sure it could’ve helped to know a little something.

I wasn’t aware of how exhausted I would be after the delivery with taking care of Hannah and recovering. I am very thankful to have had my mom here for the first week of Hannah’s life so I could feed our little one and hand her over to my mom so I could get rest. I also wasn’t aware of how stressful taking care of a baby could be and what kind of effect it would have on mine and Tim’s relationship. Tim has been great through everything, but I on the other hand have been difficult to get along with. I am very blessed to have a wonderful husband to help me out with taking care of Hannah, and I know it’ll take both of us to raise her up the way we’ve been praying about since we found out we got pregnant.

When we got pregnant I decided that I wouldn’t make any commitments to any of our church ministries with Hannah being so young at the beginning of the Fall. I still go back and forth with that decision because I have been teaching and leading small groups and classes since I got out of high school. It feels weird not to have a schedule full of commitments I’ve made to ministry, but I do keep busy taking care of Hannah. My prayer now is that God will show me what kind of ministry he wants me to do with Hannah here. Becoming a parent opens me up to a whole new way to connect with people, and I’m excited to find out what God has in store for me. As of now I started going to a Sunday School class for myself. Hannah went with me, and I’ve been contemplating if we should go ahead and put her in the nursery because I don’t want her to be a distraction, but I don’t want to put a strain on the nursery staff because with a baby so young they pretty much need one on one attention if they’re not asleep. I also signed up for a Thursday morning women’s Bible study. I’m excited to start learning again instead of teaching all the time. I think it’s important to feed yourself, and hopefully by the Spring or next Fall I’ll be right back into leading.

I feel like every day is a new experience. Nothing is predictable right now, it all depends on  how the night goes, then how Hannah does with her naps during the day. I try to fit one trip out of the house every day to help me feel a little normal. The picture of Hannah above is from this morning after she ate breakfast. She was just too cute not to take a picture when she had such a full and happy tummy.

Three years ago today Tim and I made a commitment in front of family, friends and God to love and cheerish each other forever. It’s hard to believe that we’ve been married for 3 years. God worked miracles pulling everything together for our wedding, that I am so grateful for and know that God has had our lives planned out from the beginning. Next year’s anniversary will be different with having a little one around. Baby Schmoyer feels like s/he is practically here with all the movement I feel, but it was nice not having to get a baby sitter last night when we went out to celebrate. Tim took me out to dinner at the resort here in town. The food was delicious, service was bad, and getting to spend time with my husband who willingly dressed up for me made me feel very special.

Tim, I love you so much and am very blessed to have you as my husband. I can’t wait for our baby to get here and see you interact with him/her. You are going to make such a great father, and I know that because of how great of a husband you are. I love you!

Here’s mine and Tim’s journey of getting engaged ’til our wedding….only 3 months to prep!

I’m Engaged!

Clueless

I found my dress!

Updates

Keep the prayers coming. They’re working!

Back Home

Bridesmaid Dresses

Flowers!

Mmmmm Cake!

Engagement Pictures

Wedding Registries

Update

I love Tim!

Yay! I did something productive today!

I’m getting married this week!

Busy, busy, busy!

Wedding Drama (sorta)

I’m married!

I admire Tim so much for his ministry and how well he works with and deals with people. He has way more grace and patience than I do, and it is very good for me to see. I am so glad that he is the youth pastor, and I am not.

The part that I struggle with the most is when people criticize Tim’s ministry, and him personally. I keep up with Tim’s blog off and on. I am interested in youth ministry and try to be as supportive as I can, and keeping up with his blog helps me do that. I struggle though when I see people disagree with him in a harsh manner. The last week there have been people jumping to conclusions about him and his ministry without reading or re-reading his posts, and Tim handles these people so well, but I don’t. So I guess that is part of the reason why I go in seasons of being a dedicated reader of Life in Student Ministry and seasons of not visiting it at all.

Yesterday I think was the hardest for me with someone going as far as twisting the title of one of his posts and totally attacking Tim personally as far as jumping to the conclusion that Tim doesn’t spend any time praying or in the Word except during the summer. As rediculous as I know this person was being, it is still hard to not want to be over protective and emotional about it. I was steamed when reading this person’s post that he put out on facebook to totally bash Tim. I really wanted to lash out on him and give it all back. Luckily I’ve been dealing with people online since Jr. High and have learned to think about things before I start typing, and then even after typing up a response to let it sit for a while, come back to it, look it over, and then my last step is to send my responses to Tim to look over for another means of accountability. I use Microsoft Word a lot when online so I don’t make the mistake to send something before really reviewing it if I am not in a good mood while writing.

A great thing that has come from this post yesterday though was tons of people sticking up for and encouraging Tim and correcting the person who bashed him. Tim responded kindly to the guy and even gave him a phone number for him to call Tim and them to discuss if this guy really wanted to learn and not just start a heated argument. I’m still waiting for the guy to call. What was cool though was that a couple other people called Tim to encourage him with what he is doing and show appreciation for the way he responded to the nonsense.

I haven’t dealt with such harsh criticism as much in person with people. Criticism does come, but most of the time in love, especially if someone does it the right way and goes to Tim about something instead of talking to everyone else about what they are unhappy with, which is the same as gossiping. Another reason why I deal with this better than blatant criticism done infront of everyone is because Tim is great about protecting me. He knows that I will take things personally, and have a hard time around the person if I know who it is, so he will keep me out of the loop, which I really appreciate. It is still difficult for me to hear about people upset with something he has done or said, especially if time hasn’t been taken to talk to Tim personally. We have a long journey ahead of us, and I’m glad God will continue to teach us. I can just imagine what kind of criticism we’ll get when Baby Schmoyer is born and people are watching the way we’ll choose to raise our kid, especially when he/she is a teen.

Tim, you are doing an amazing job with the youth God has trusted you with. I love watching you in action and admire you for the passion you have for youth ministry. I am so proud to be your wife and blessed to have such an amazing husband to watch as an example for my own life. I love you.

We’ve had some great weather lately. Tim and I spent a few days doing a little bit of yard work each day, going on walks, and simply enjoying the outdoors. Today I went out and trimmed one of our apple trees again. It was the first one I pruned, so I was very cautious and not wanting to prune too much. But after seeing how well the other trees have been doing, I needed to get after it. I wanted to do it before today, but the bees have been hard at work, and I did not want to get around them. Today has been very windy, so it was the perfect time to get back in the tree.

Yesterday was our first Sunday without our normal school year programming. Which meant we didn’t have Sunday School or Sr. High youth group. It was kind of weird not having a busy Sunday, and it took us a little while to figure out what to do instead. Tim and I decided to go to Inspiration Peak, that we’ve heard so many people talk about in town. Mainly I’ve heard of people going in the Fall to enjoy the trees, and now I know why. It’s a short and steep hike up to the peak, only a quarter mile from the parking, and then a short quarter mile back down. We didn’t stay too long, which was a disappointment. I was expecting a longer hike and being very hungry, thirsty and tired at the top, but that didn’t happen. We even brought a sack dinner with us to eat at the top of the peak, but neither of us worked up an appetite. I would still like to go back in the Fall though and see all the trees different colors, and at that time Baby Schmoyer will get to see the trees too! With leaving early we were able to hang out for the evening at a youth’s house, whose family did a cook out. So we enjoyed the evening in their back yard around a fire eating smores. That was a great first Sunday of our “summer.”

Baby Schmoyer has been very active lately. And apparently I’ve grown quite a bit ’cause that’s all I’ve been hearing lately, and that Baby is sitting really high. I’ve noticed that Baby likes to settle somewhere above my belly button, which is fine when I’m up and around, but when sitting it’s not too comfortable. Yesterday I was trying to push Baby Schmoyer away from my ribs while Tim and I were watching TV, and Baby was kicking back. It just made me laugh and forget that my ribs weren’t too comfortable. And, last night was the first time that I felt a distinct motion of something moving across my belly. So far I’ve only felt quick kicks, so I was surprised when I felt something different last night while lying in bed. It was a weird feeling that I can’t quite describe. I thought the kicks felt weird when those started, and now I’ve got something else to enjoy!

God’s Plan is Much Better

A side not before I start my post… My brother-in-law scanned our ultrasound pictures of Baby Schmoyer for me over the weekend. I hope you enjoy looking at our baby’s pictures, if you click on them they’ll get bigger. Thanks David!

I know I have said this many times, but I am so thankful that God has brought Tim and I to the church we are at now. Whenever I talk to people around town about our church the number one description I always use to describe our church is “healthy.” I love all the support that Tim and I get and we have really developed great relationships with the people God has surrounded us by. When I think about us getting to bring our first child into this world I am so grateful to be at Alex Covenant and be able to have them be a part of this huge moment in our life.

Living in the small town where we get to run into people from church almost everywhere we go is starting to grow on me too. It’s fun to stop and talk to people when I’m out running errands. I was skeptical of that at first moving from a huge city and liking that we could go somewhere and do what we needed and get home, but it just brightens up my day to see people around town.

Today God totally showed me how blessed I am to have our church family here. And I really do feel like people from church are a part of my family. And I love that because family means so much to me, and with us not living near our extended families (for the most part) and not seeing family for months at a time it helps to have our spiritual family, who I have really come to love.

I hope God has plans to keep Tim and I in Alexandria for a while now. I have always wanted to live in one place for at least over 5 years and break my record so far. Although I’m not fond of the cold and snow anymore, which only took 2 years to get tired of, our church family God has given us, totally makes up for it.

I am spending the evening cleaning out our wrap-around closet under the stairs. I didn’t realize how much stuff we moved here with that I could’ve just thrown away, so now our garbage is full. In the process I was going through spiral notebooks clearing out sheets I don’t need, and came across one of my writings/prayers from college. I figured I’d share it ’cause this was a huge turning point in my life and about 3 months before Tim and I started dating, which wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t end up transferring schools. Good thing I followed God’s plan for me instead of my own, and transferred schools!

Here’s what I wrote:

So who would’ve thought that I might be transferring colleges. I know God sent me away to school for a purpose so I would grow and learn to be on my own. But lately, another thing came to my mind, maybe God wanted me to go away so I wouldn’t be naive anymore and I wouldn’t be blind to the world. I had always heard of things of the world, but never saw or experienced anything, so I was always very close minded. My temptations have gotten stronger, but I believe my faith is getting stronger lately. I’ve been able to notice my temptations and sometimes fight them. Do I need to leave to get away from it though? Am I not strong enough to stay here? Do I need to go back home so I can gain my strength back? I have everything in my life planned out until I graduate if I stay here at McMurry. But God knocked me aside the head last night and made me realize just that, “I” have everything in my life planned out until I graduate.

If I go back home, what will I be doing? What’s in store for me? I don’t know if 2 weeks is long enough for me to hear God and know exactly what he wants for me. Maybe I’ll have to wait until this summer and see how things go and what happens and then do what God wants of me. Who knows, maybe God is using this as a scare that I need to watch myself, or else He’ll have to do something drastic. I mean, everything is planned otu perfect for the next year, come back a week early and do soccer, play soccer & sub during season for a job, when soccer season is over I’ll get an actual job on top of subbing. Then I’ll stay here for my job, maybe even take summer classes next summer. I mean, seriously, what would I do if I go home? FUMC LP is looking for a youth director & youg life director, but I’m only 20, how would I possibly do it? Maybe volunteer for a year & if things go well, when I’m 21 maybe I can be the actual thing? Or is there someone else for the job & it’s just not the right time.

God, I’m scared to talk to you about this because I’m scared of what you have planned for me. I love you and you know I do, I just feel safe & secure here in Abilene even though I’m tired of all the drama and trash that goes down. If I leave here I have no clue what to expect, absolutely nothing will be in my hands. But now that I write this, maybe that’s what you are trying to teach me, that “I” don’t have control of my life, YOU do, & I need to let you take the wheel while I stand aside and let you use me. Lord I want to be your servant, do with me what you will. Give me the strength to step down, the courage to let everything go and the mind to let my heart be in control. Who knows, maybe I’ll grow so much this summer I’ll be able to come back and be a brighter light to this campus than ever before. But also again, you always have people step out of their comfort zones so that you may use them in miraculous ways.

God, I have so much to learn and so much room to grow. Stretch me, mold me, mend me, use me. Lord, change my plans I have for the rest of college, throw me a curve ball. My life is in your hands. Where I will be should be the least of my worries, WHAT I will be is what I need to focus on with you leading me. I love you God, I know you have the best plans for my life. I pray I will never stray so far that I will forget that. Always hold me near and dear and I will do the same. Blind me of my plans and let me focus on yours. Thank you so much for giving me Sarah to help me through this time, God that is one of the biggest blessings you have ever given me. Thank you so much, I love you. Amen.

This week in small group we are learning about Isaac, Rebekah, Esau and Jacob. The stories about Rebekah favoring Jacob always bugged me. I don’t understand how a parent can favor one child over another, so it really bothers me to read the part where Rebekah helps Jacob betray his brother and trick his father into giving Jacob the blessing Esau was suppose to receive.

Well, today Genesis 25:21-23 finally clicked for me. I can’t tell you how many times I have read this passage and totally did not realize this.

Isaac pleaded with the Lord to give Rebekah a child because she was childless. So the Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and his wife became pregnant with twins. But the two children struggled wtih each other in her womb. So she went to ask the Lord about it. “Why is this happening to me?” she asked. And the Lord told her, “The sons in your womb will become two rival nations. One nation will be stronger than the other; the descendants of your older son will serve the descendants of your younger son.”

It was God’s will for Esau’s line to be servants to Jacob’s line. God chose to tell Rebekah this ahead of time, and everything that happened was a part of this prophecy coming true. Would Rebekah have favored Jacob had she not known about this? Did she treat him better because she knew Jacob would prosper more? Or did she really just have a better relationship because their personalities got along better?

Then, later on in Genesis 37 we learn about Joseph who is Jacob’s favorite son. This to me seems like a pattern starting in this family line. Joseph is Jacob’s favorite, and Jacob was Rebekah’s favorite. Because Jacob favored Joseph so much the rest of his siblings were jealous, but Joseph goes even further…

Genesis 37:5-8

One night Joseph had a dream and promptly reported the details to his brothers, causing them to hate him even more. “Listen to this dream,” he announced. “We were out in the field tying up bundles of grain. My bundle stood up, and then your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before it!” “So you are going to be our king, are you?” his brothers taunted. And they hated him all the more for his dream and what he had said.

Again, God showed one of his servants a prophecy that would come true. In this situation I feel like Joseph pushed his luck though. This was very important information God shared with him, but sharing it with his brothers got him into trouble. I don’t know if it was God’s will for Joseph to have to endure so much after this dream, or if God simply used these situations and still held true to his word about Joseph becoming so important.

These passages really made me think about my own life. The day Tim and I met I felt God telling me that Tim is the guy I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t really believe it at first, so that night when I prayed I wrote my prayer down and said, “God, I really think I’m crazy, but just wanted to write this to see what happens in the future.” And come to find out, I heard God correctly. That day I didn’t even have a romantic attraction to Tim, I thought he was a nice guy, and we got along well, but come on, it was our first day to even meet!

What got me in trouble with knowing this, was after a little over a year of dating I started to really believe that Tim and I would get married, so I pushed things a little bit. I tried to see how selfish I could be, how much time I could claim of his to see if we would really end up together forever. Well, I ended up pushing it too far, which ended in an 8 month separation, and God working really hard in both of our lives growing us into the people we needed to be in order to have a marriage, and thankfully God prepared us for each other through the long and hard process.

God sticks to his promises. We need to make sure we are hearing the voice of God, and not any other voices. And when God does speak to us, we need to be grateful and not push our chances.

I am going to be so ready to see Saturday evening by the end of this week. Every night this week we have something going on, except for Saturday. Here’s a quick overview:

Sunday: Sr. High Youth group

Monday: I got my hair cut and highlighted/Tim had Sr. High small group

Tuesday: Tim and I are telling our testimony of getting debt free to a Total Money Makeover class taught by the man who got Tim and I started on our journey out of debt.

Wednesday: Journey – teaching my 9th grade girl’s small group

Thursday: Celebrating Davis’ 4th birthday with all of our young married couple friends! (We haven’t hung out with everyone is a really long time.)

Friday: My 9th grade girl’s small group is coming over for a sleep-over.

Saturday: Time to rest? (I sure hope so!)

Please pray for Tim and I throughout this week. We’ll get to see each other, but not have a lot of actual time together. Pray for rest, and the ability to stay excited and not get worn out. I’m really looking forward to everything, just a little worried that it’s all in one week!