It has been so much fun to watch Zeke grow and develop, and to watch Hannah interact with him. Hannah absolutely adores her little brother, and Zeke is in awe of his big sister.

Hannah is 19 months and has an expanding vocabulary. It’s so much fun to review words with her, and give her a task to do, unsure if she will understand it, and she totally blows me away when she completes her task. Today I was tired of all of Zeke’s toys all over the living room floor, I simply asked Hannah to put all the toys in the box. I then continued to do some dishes, forgetting what I asked Hannah to do, and turned around to see our living room floor all cleaned up!

Zeke is 5.5 months old and keeps us on his toes. He has been sitting up on his own now, but we still put pillows around him for the occasional fall after sitting up for a while. Zeke has been able to put himself up in a pushup plank position, and can scoot backwards or sideways, trying to crawl after what he wants.

We tried to feed Zeke cereal the week before we went to Chicago, and it didn’t go over well. I took the cereal to Chicago with us, but didn’t feed him any because it wasn’t as convenient, plus he doesn’t need it until 6 months. The last few nights though, Zeke has been waking up at 2:30am, and last night was the first time he wouldn’t give up crying. The previous nights he was able to be settled back down without eating. So today I tried cereal with Zeke again, and he ate like a champ! Before Zeke hardly got any cereal down, and today he ate everything I gave him. I’m hoping tonight he’ll sleep better with getting more food in his belly today. I upped how many liquid feedings he had, but that didn’t seem to help, so cereal it is.

I’ve also been trying to figure out Zeke’s napping schedule. He pretty much only took one nap today and was super fussy. I had him lay down a few other times when I was sure he needed a nap, but he either fought sleep, or only slept for maybe a half hour if I was lucky. I’m really nervous about tonight and leading into our weekend traveling to Maine to visit a church. My energy is quickly draining with our nights turning rough, and I could use some extra energy for the weekend.

Hannah was such a “by the book” baby, and Zeke is throwing me for loops. Either that, or I haven’t read as much this go around since we just did this last year, but I have already forgotten so much about these baby stages. God’s gotta be using this to teach me something. I know patience is something I’ve been learning.

I am so glad that I have a God that doesn’t give up on me. He loves me. He wants a personal relationship with me. And he hasn’t stopped showing me how much he loves and cares about me. There have been little things all through my life that show glimpses of God blessing me and giving me little “love notes” to show me how much he cares.

Throughout the time of Tim being unemployed God has really stepped it up. God has been providing for us financially in some unexpected ways. Some anonymous, some not. All of which have come as an unexpected surprise, and I cry every time in awe of how much God is taking care of our family. You’d think I wouldn’t be surprised that God is taking care of us. Matthew 6:26 says, “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” But yet, in my little faith, I am still delightfully surprised when God proves his scripture is true.

We have also been bathed in prayer, and I am so thankful for family and friends who are covering us in prayer. And even people who we haven’t even met, or just met recently have been praying.

I have to admit that I have really been struggling and almost fighting with God to allow what happened in our last church to happen. The last two weekends while in Chicago for the Simply Youth Ministry conference and in Minneapolis for the Dare2Share youth conference God has sent people into my life to speak. I have been so self focused and pouting that I haven’t been allowing God to teach me through this valley.

This world wasn’t made to please Dana. The world doesn’t revolve around me. Christ didn’t call us to live a safe and easy going life. When we answer a call to ministry it’s going to be dirty. Ministry is rocky. Ministry is not about myself.

I have a long ways to go with learning what God is doing in myself and my family. I’m glad Christ has come before us as an example. I’ve just recently opened myself up to embrace what God is doing and be willing to learn.

Lately I have come to realize how important it is for me to do something I enjoy. Since Tim and I set up our weekly family schedule I have felt a lot healthier mentally with getting a break to enjoy something just for myself. Granted what I am sewing right now is Easter baskets for the kids, I enjoy my little project.

This past weekend we were in Chicago for the Simply Youth Ministry Conference and I brought my baskets to the seminars to give me something to fidgit with so I could better listen to the speakers. We had a wonderful time learning and connecting. Tim and I don’t spend a lot of time together througout the weekend with our individual busy schedules, which is okay, I do really look forward to our time afterwards. This year both kids came as well as Tim’s sister Grace to babysit for us. That worked out much better than last year, but I am still looking forward to the time we go alone, leaving the kids with someone at home.

My absolute favorite part of the conference was going to the “Married to Youth Pastor” connect group. I have been longing for some girl time and for some reason I have found that youth worker conferences are the only place other than in my house with my little family that I can totally be myself. I don’t worry about what others think of me because we all have a similar passion and can relate to one another.

Over the last 7 months since things started changing at our last church and 3 months of being out of that church I have been learning a lot about myself and ministry. I think we’re getting closer to me being able to share my struggles and joys that we have had through this process that isn’t over yet.

God showed me his love so much this last weekend with prayers and support coming from places I wouldn’t have expected.

With Tim working at home now while searching for employment I have struggled with not trying to get his help with the kids all the time. When Tim was working at the church I would always keep the office door closed so Hannah wouldn’t go play in there and get in to stuff. Well sometimes with Tim home the door would get left open and I wouldn’t have a mental block that he wasn’t available to help with the kiddos.

So Monday night Tim and I sat down and wrote up a schedule with the time Tim works, when we have family time, and even set up alternating nights for date night and hobby night for the two of us. Over the weekend while Tim was gone I needed a breather one day and forgot about chores while the kids were napping, and I went and started working on the kid’s Easter baskets. I don’t think I’ve done a hobby of mine with some time alone for over 6 months. I realized it was really refreshing and good for me mentally to get some time alone to do something I really enjoy.

Today is day 2 of having a schedule, and I feel so much more at ease with some structure to live by.

A fun/cute side note… this morning after giving Zeke a bath he was so fussy and ready to nap, so I asked Hannah to go into the living room and find Zeke’s pacifier for me, and she did! I am just amazed that she understood and helped mommy out so much! She is really growing up fast. It’s also fun to watch Zeke around Hannah, it’s almost like he is just amazed by his big sister and thinks the world of her. I love watching our two little ones around each other.

Having 2 kids 14 months apart came in handy today. Hannah had her 18 month check up, and Zeke had his 4 month check up. So we made today a family affair and Tim came with us because both kids had shots. That was the low of the visit.

Zeke: Doing great, still fully breastfeeding, and loves to laugh! Zeke is constantly taking everything in and learning how to use his little hands. Tonight he even giggled when he was able to grab something near by that he was looking at. What a cutie pie! So at the doctor, we learned that Zeke is 25 inches tall weighing in at 13lbs and 4oz. And we also learned that his uvula is split! I’ve never heard of that before, and there is nothing wrong with it being split. It’ll just end up being something cool he can show his friends when he gets older.

Hannah: Growing so fast, and feeds herself soup, cereal with milk, and yogurt without making a mess. It’s crazy to see how fast she is learning. She is also using the potty regularly. It’s been a couple days since I’ve changed a poopy diaper (well one of Hannah’s), and I love it! Of course, we do spend quite a lot of time in the bathroom ’cause one of Hannah’s favorite readings spots is on the pot. Today we learned that Hannah is 33 inches tall and 25lbs 3oz.

Tim has been keeping us entertained by vlogging regularly. At least 2 or 3 times a week. Check the videos out on YouTube at www.youtube.com/godrox. Make sure you subscribe! Or if you don’t want to create an account you can go to godrox.tv and subscribe there.

Before Christmas someone was giving away a crib/toddler bed mattress on freecycle. I went ahead and asked for it since I figured we’d be needing a toddler bed sooner than later. I got the mattress hoping that someone would be giving away a toddler bed frame later on. Last week I figured I’d go ahead and ask for a toddler bedframe on freecycle, and someone emailed me to come get theirs! It needed some paint, and we had to go buy screws, but other than that it’s in great shape and a really sturdy bed. They also offered me the mattress they had for it, which is in better shape than the first I got, so I went ahead and took it.

Hannah was so excited about all the random pieces of metal around Daddy’s office. She couldn’t leave them alone, and was even more excited when I gave her a screwdriver to help us.

What a cutie! She really got in to her work.

Finally in her room with sheets and blankets, and complete with the extra mattress underneath for a sleep over. She ran out of patience while Tim and I quickly threw everything on. Hannah kept climbing up and down, up and down, and running over to Tim and I to give us hugs. It was so cute to watch her excitement.

Hannah is almost 18 months old, and spending her first night in a big girl bed. How is this so?

I called my mom to get some tips on how to transition Hannah into the new bed. So Tim laid Hannah down under the covers, read her some books, and she was out. This went WAY easier than I would ever imagine. It could have to do with her staying up past her bedtime and starting to get a little cold. But her first day to see her bed all put together, she is asleep for the night in it. Crazy! Now we’ll just see if this continues and if nap times work as well.

Since I vlogged about some books I’m excited to be reading, I figured now would be appropriate to talk about another book I’m looking forward to reading when it comes out…

On Tuesday Zondervan mailed Tim some covers of his first book being published. It really never sunk in to me that Tim is going to be a published author until I was holding one of the covers in my hands. Now I am very excited for him and can’t wait to have my very own copy of Life in Student Ministry! You can already pre-order one of his books on Amazon too. It was fun to hear one of our students who graduated last year and is going to school for youth ministry now; tell us that she is very excited that she already pre-ordered Tim’s book.

I added a widget on the side bar of my blog for you to easily order “Life in Student Ministry” also. Or you can just click here to order one.

Growing up I was impressed with how great of a pastor’s wife my mom is. With the example my mom set I felt like I too could be a good pastor’s wife. But I didn’t want to be a senior pastor’s wife, I’d rather be a youth pastor’s wife, because that would be easier. Ha! Recently I have learned that being a youth pastor’s wife does not make the fact of being a pastor’s wife any easier. And I have laughed at my previous thought many times!

Over the last couple years I have met some wonderful youth pastor’s wives and have had the blessing to keep in touch with them. And I have also received some emails from some special ladies who have found my blog through their husbands following Tim’s blog. Lately I have been praying about what I should do with this. How can God use me to benefit others who have married a man totally devoted to Christ and following a call to minister vocationally? I’m not promising regular blogs about being a youth pastor’s wife. There are some moments when times get tough and personal, like lately. And I know that in the moment it is better for me to hold my tongue, and wait until I can see more of what God is doing in my life through my current situation.

For those of you who may be coming to see how I am doing through Tim’s termination because you are going through the same thing and need some encouragement, this is for you… You will make it through this. It’s okay to cry and let your emotions out. Continue to read Scripture, or get your Bible back in your hands. Let your husband know how you are doing. God loves you and is in control. God has great plans for you, which includes taking you through a time of trial to make you an even stronger woman so that you can serve Him even more.

I feel like I’m giving myself a pep talk, because I have fought and fought to stifle my emotions and not deal with what is going on. Almost 2 months later I still have moments where I break down, because I have slowly let myself work through our situation. It wasn’t until last Sunday that I finally grabbed my Bible in over a month and started studying Scripture again. I have been battling my mind over and over, especially since I started reading Scripture again and am trying to put total trust in God with our situation. I know in my head that God is in control, but my actions and thoughts have not been proving my faith. I haven’t once gotten mad at God for Tim’s termination. I have over and over tried to figure out what God is going to do next with and through our family. I don’t have any answers, and that’s okay.

I’m hoping that through this process I can be an encouragement to other pastor’s wives. That God will use this time of trial to reach others. And hopefully piece by piece I can share our story of how amazing God was to Tim and I during 2010. We had very high highs, and very low lows.