Does anyone else feel like Sunday mornings are a battle? After about a week of not sleeping well and thinking it couldn’t get any worse, on Saturday I probably got a solid 2 hours of sleep between Zeke fussing all night (turns out he is going through a growth spurt) and Hannah waking up at 5am.

While getting around on Sunday with my almost 2 year old, who just discovered the terrible twos, throwing tantrum after tantrum and a mom (me) who pretty much didn’t have a fuse at all, things did not go well. I was thinking yesterday morning of how much spiritual warfare we battle on Sunday mornings. No wonder we grow up learning to put on our best faces when you walk in the doors of the church. We pushed through and went to the early service (for nap time schedule, and we were already up), and things luckily got better at church. When asked how our family was doing, my response was, “We probably just had our worst morning yet.” We weren’t good, or fine, or great. We already had a meltdown and forced ourselves to continue.

Going to church yesterday was an act of worship in itself. An act of sacrifice of not giving in to the battle of a changed schedule. And I have Tim to thank for being the level headed one yesterday making it work. All I was looking forward to was going back home and taking a nap.

Hannah did give me a little comic relief in the midst of her fits. She pushed Zeke down, therefore had to go sit in timeout. When she was done with timeout, she wanted Zeke to have to sit for a minute. Oh I can just imagine what these two will get in to when Zeke can fend for himself.

I have no doubt that God is going to do amazing things through Ezekiel. Right now he just has to survive the parenting that Tim and I put him through. We pray every day for wisdom in raising Hannah and Zeke to grow up as believers in Jesus Christ, living out a personal faith.

When we were pregnant with Hannah we had Ezekiel picked out for a boy name, and when we got pregnant with Zeke and found out he was a boy, there was no doubt what his name would be. We knew that picking a name as strong as Ezekiel was bold in our expectations for our son and how God will use him. If you haven’t read the book of Ezekiel, I highly recommend it. It was the middle name that took us until the lady who needed his name for the birth certificate came in asking. And luckily he got a good one .

I can look back through my life and see God working in special ways to touch my heart. My first memory of this was when I was five. And God continues to do little things to keep me in awe of his wonder and love. So how do I know he is going to use Ezekiel? …

Before we got pregnant with Zeke I was struggling with God, wanting to control how many kids we will have an when. As if I knew the best timing, more so than God. So I had to give that control issue over to God. And what do you know, it didn’t take any time at all to be carrying my second child.

While in my first trimester Tim went to Haiti and came back knowing that he needed to return. I saw an incredible change in Tim from his time in Haiti. God really worked in him. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but now I know that Tim grew in his understanding of God, being able to discern God’s voice and listen and be obedient. I have loved watching Tim grow over the last year, and leading others to do the same.

So Tim decided to go back to Haiti, and take whoever wanted to go along. I joined a team of adults and youth, some from our church, and some friends and family of ours from out of town. I was just in my second trimester while in Haiti and had no problems at all.

Later that summer, we went to Mexico with another team of adults and youth from our church for a missions trip. I was 30 weeks along in my pregnancy then, but again did well throughout our trip.

Soon after we got back from Mexico things started changing at our church and it soon became clear that our time there was coming to an end. I had my most difficult week of my pregnancy with how stressful things got. Luckily my doctor assured me that my level of stress wouldn’t effect Zeke, it just made me incredibly uncomfortable being pregnant. Then after Zeke was born I was blessed to have my mom around since Tim didn’t have time off.

In the midst of everything I thought that my pregnancy with Zeke was the worst timing ever. At one point close to delivery not only were we dealing with things at church, but also the question of Tim’s grandfather surviving some difficult health issues. (He’s still around and doing great!) I was so stressed, but gave it all over to God, because there was nothing I could do but trust.

I have come to find that Zeke and Hannah both have been a source of great joy during this season of life. We have been so blessed by our two adorable children, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Zeke has a special place in my heart with everything he has gone through with me before he was even born. And now we look forward to what God is going to do with what he is teaching us and taking us through. I’m not surprised to see this time of trial after how much Tim’s faith has grown last year, and us together as a married couple by sharing in the amazing experiences that drew us closer to God at the same time. I’m not exactly thrilled to be going through this time, but I do look forward to the fruit that will come from it.

It has been so much fun to watch Zeke grow and develop, and to watch Hannah interact with him. Hannah absolutely adores her little brother, and Zeke is in awe of his big sister.

Hannah is 19 months and has an expanding vocabulary. It’s so much fun to review words with her, and give her a task to do, unsure if she will understand it, and she totally blows me away when she completes her task. Today I was tired of all of Zeke’s toys all over the living room floor, I simply asked Hannah to put all the toys in the box. I then continued to do some dishes, forgetting what I asked Hannah to do, and turned around to see our living room floor all cleaned up!

Zeke is 5.5 months old and keeps us on his toes. He has been sitting up on his own now, but we still put pillows around him for the occasional fall after sitting up for a while. Zeke has been able to put himself up in a pushup plank position, and can scoot backwards or sideways, trying to crawl after what he wants.

We tried to feed Zeke cereal the week before we went to Chicago, and it didn’t go over well. I took the cereal to Chicago with us, but didn’t feed him any because it wasn’t as convenient, plus he doesn’t need it until 6 months. The last few nights though, Zeke has been waking up at 2:30am, and last night was the first time he wouldn’t give up crying. The previous nights he was able to be settled back down without eating. So today I tried cereal with Zeke again, and he ate like a champ! Before Zeke hardly got any cereal down, and today he ate everything I gave him. I’m hoping tonight he’ll sleep better with getting more food in his belly today. I upped how many liquid feedings he had, but that didn’t seem to help, so cereal it is.

I’ve also been trying to figure out Zeke’s napping schedule. He pretty much only took one nap today and was super fussy. I had him lay down a few other times when I was sure he needed a nap, but he either fought sleep, or only slept for maybe a half hour if I was lucky. I’m really nervous about tonight and leading into our weekend traveling to Maine to visit a church. My energy is quickly draining with our nights turning rough, and I could use some extra energy for the weekend.

Hannah was such a “by the book” baby, and Zeke is throwing me for loops. Either that, or I haven’t read as much this go around since we just did this last year, but I have already forgotten so much about these baby stages. God’s gotta be using this to teach me something. I know patience is something I’ve been learning.

I am so glad that I have a God that doesn’t give up on me. He loves me. He wants a personal relationship with me. And he hasn’t stopped showing me how much he loves and cares about me. There have been little things all through my life that show glimpses of God blessing me and giving me little “love notes” to show me how much he cares.

Throughout the time of Tim being unemployed God has really stepped it up. God has been providing for us financially in some unexpected ways. Some anonymous, some not. All of which have come as an unexpected surprise, and I cry every time in awe of how much God is taking care of our family. You’d think I wouldn’t be surprised that God is taking care of us. Matthew 6:26 says, “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” But yet, in my little faith, I am still delightfully surprised when God proves his scripture is true.

We have also been bathed in prayer, and I am so thankful for family and friends who are covering us in prayer. And even people who we haven’t even met, or just met recently have been praying.

I have to admit that I have really been struggling and almost fighting with God to allow what happened in our last church to happen. The last two weekends while in Chicago for the Simply Youth Ministry conference and in Minneapolis for the Dare2Share youth conference God has sent people into my life to speak. I have been so self focused and pouting that I haven’t been allowing God to teach me through this valley.

This world wasn’t made to please Dana. The world doesn’t revolve around me. Christ didn’t call us to live a safe and easy going life. When we answer a call to ministry it’s going to be dirty. Ministry is rocky. Ministry is not about myself.

I have a long ways to go with learning what God is doing in myself and my family. I’m glad Christ has come before us as an example. I’ve just recently opened myself up to embrace what God is doing and be willing to learn.

Lately I have come to realize how important it is for me to do something I enjoy. Since Tim and I set up our weekly family schedule I have felt a lot healthier mentally with getting a break to enjoy something just for myself. Granted what I am sewing right now is Easter baskets for the kids, I enjoy my little project.

This past weekend we were in Chicago for the Simply Youth Ministry Conference and I brought my baskets to the seminars to give me something to fidgit with so I could better listen to the speakers. We had a wonderful time learning and connecting. Tim and I don’t spend a lot of time together througout the weekend with our individual busy schedules, which is okay, I do really look forward to our time afterwards. This year both kids came as well as Tim’s sister Grace to babysit for us. That worked out much better than last year, but I am still looking forward to the time we go alone, leaving the kids with someone at home.

My absolute favorite part of the conference was going to the “Married to Youth Pastor” connect group. I have been longing for some girl time and for some reason I have found that youth worker conferences are the only place other than in my house with my little family that I can totally be myself. I don’t worry about what others think of me because we all have a similar passion and can relate to one another.

Over the last 7 months since things started changing at our last church and 3 months of being out of that church I have been learning a lot about myself and ministry. I think we’re getting closer to me being able to share my struggles and joys that we have had through this process that isn’t over yet.

God showed me his love so much this last weekend with prayers and support coming from places I wouldn’t have expected.