06 Mar 2009 God’s Plan is MUCH Better!

I am spending the evening cleaning out our wrap-around closet under the stairs. I didn’t realize how much stuff we moved here with that I could’ve just thrown away, so now our garbage is full. In the process I was going through spiral notebooks clearing out sheets I don’t need, and came across one of my writings/prayers from college. I figured I’d share it ’cause this was a huge turning point in my life and about 3 months before Tim and I started dating, which wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t end up transferring schools. Good thing I followed God’s plan for me instead of my own, and transferred schools!

Here’s what I wrote:

So who would’ve thought that I might be transferring colleges. I know God sent me away to school for a purpose so I would grow and learn to be on my own. But lately, another thing came to my mind, maybe God wanted me to go away so I wouldn’t be naive anymore and I wouldn’t be blind to the world. I had always heard of things of the world, but never saw or experienced anything, so I was always very close minded. My temptations have gotten stronger, but I believe my faith is getting stronger lately. I’ve been able to notice my temptations and sometimes fight them. Do I need to leave to get away from it though? Am I not strong enough to stay here? Do I need to go back home so I can gain my strength back? I have everything in my life planned out until I graduate if I stay here at McMurry. But God knocked me aside the head last night and made me realize just that, “I” have everything in my life planned out until I graduate.

If I go back home, what will I be doing? What’s in store for me? I don’t know if 2 weeks is long enough for me to hear God and know exactly what he wants for me. Maybe I’ll have to wait until this summer and see how things go and what happens and then do what God wants of me. Who knows, maybe God is using this as a scare that I need to watch myself, or else He’ll have to do something drastic. I mean, everything is planned otu perfect for the next year, come back a week early and do soccer, play soccer & sub during season for a job, when soccer season is over I’ll get an actual job on top of subbing. Then I’ll stay here for my job, maybe even take summer classes next summer. I mean, seriously, what would I do if I go home? FUMC LP is looking for a youth director & youg life director, but I’m only 20, how would I possibly do it? Maybe volunteer for a year & if things go well, when I’m 21 maybe I can be the actual thing? Or is there someone else for the job & it’s just not the right time.

God, I’m scared to talk to you about this because I’m scared of what you have planned for me. I love you and you know I do, I just feel safe & secure here in Abilene even though I’m tired of all the drama and trash that goes down. If I leave here I have no clue what to expect, absolutely nothing will be in my hands. But now that I write this, maybe that’s what you are trying to teach me, that “I” don’t have control of my life, YOU do, & I need to let you take the wheel while I stand aside and let you use me. Lord I want to be your servant, do with me what you will. Give me the strength to step down, the courage to let everything go and the mind to let my heart be in control. Who knows, maybe I’ll grow so much this summer I’ll be able to come back and be a brighter light to this campus than ever before. But also again, you always have people step out of their comfort zones so that you may use them in miraculous ways.

God, I have so much to learn and so much room to grow. Stretch me, mold me, mend me, use me. Lord, change my plans I have for the rest of college, throw me a curve ball. My life is in your hands. Where I will be should be the least of my worries, WHAT I will be is what I need to focus on with you leading me. I love you God, I know you have the best plans for my life. I pray I will never stray so far that I will forget that. Always hold me near and dear and I will do the same. Blind me of my plans and let me focus on yours. Thank you so much for giving me Sarah to help me through this time, God that is one of the biggest blessings you have ever given me. Thank you so much, I love you. Amen.

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2 Responses

  1. 1
    Chelsea 

    Wow! That’s really cool!

  2. Thanks! It’s always amazing to find prayers/journal entries from years ago and look back on what God has done since then.