19 Dec 2005 The Man
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“In the effort to make things perfect, a woman can beg her man to be like the one over there. She’s hoping that if he could change, she’d finally be whole. When the man feels that he is asked to be something he wasn’t ever made to be, when he senses the pressure to meet expectations that seem unattainable, when he wants to fill but doesn’t really understand how to pour, after years of talking and trying and talking some more, the man can step back in frustration. The woman tries to counter the distance by leaning in and desperately asking him for more. And he might try from miles away, but he can’t. So he looks across the backyard and wonders if his neighbor’s woman has these needs. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe a woman like her could appreciate a man like him. And his heart wanders away. And he gives up on romance with the one he has loved and the passion dies. And the heart of the woman who has expected the man to be enough dies with it.

The woman is a mystery that the man can’t unlock. Her desires seem to him like a moving target. He can’t ever seem to get it right. He can’t figure out how to be enough to please her . . . to make her happy . . . to keep her heart swooning. It’s not that he shouldn’t try. It’s just that you and I must understand: the man will never be all that you need.

Here is one thing I can say with great confidence: the man that you love is just a man. He may be your soul mate. He is possibly your best friend. He may be hunky and funny and surprising and strong, but he will never-not in a million years, not if he goes to relationship therapy twice a week and keeps every promise ever written-be enough to fill your soul . . . he will never make you whole.

He wasn’t made to be enough. He could not be even if he tried. He is just a man, and he can give only as a man and interact as a man and love as a man. He wasn’t designed to fill the depth of a woman’s longings, anticipate every need, and jump through every hoop.

He can’t. Those deep places inside you were made for God.

The man is simply a vessel. God uses him to give you a part of the filling of His holy love. But he is not the only vessel, nor is he able to fill you from his own strength, nor is he the only thing you will ever need. Are you hearing this? There will never be a man on the face of the earth who can make you whole. Being filled in the depths of your soul is only about the love of God . . . knowing Him . . . hearing His voice . . . believing that He’s wild about you . . . dancing in His arms.

The man’s responsiblilty is to be the vessel and to be a good one. He is called to listen to God. To obey as the Holy Spirit leads. To love you in the ways God prompts his heart. If he loves you as a man who walks with God and if you realize that the vessel is just a man, there can be an amazing exchange of healthy love. Through the man you can taste a part of the love that God has for you.

Your responsibility with the man is to let him be just that. He is not your girlfriend. He is not perfect, and he never will be. He is not your Savior. He is not your filling, nor is he the answer to all your longings. You must let him be fallen and forgiven and in process. You must learn the difference between men who are healthy and those who are not. You must not mistake his opinions for the opinions of God. He may have never called you beautiful or smart or witty. No matter what the man says or doesn’t say, God is still wild about you.

We must realize that there will never be healthy love between a woman and a man until she comes to rest and find her being in the great love of God. God’s love gives wisdom in discerning the man. God’s love gives direction and patience and hope. God’s love lets us smile at the man’s quirks just as God smiles at ours.”

–Angela Thomas

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