24 Dec 2005 The fear of loneliness
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“I think that I like to be alone, and I do–for about six hours. Then I’ve had enough.”
–Angela Thomas.

I remember one day this past semester that I totally freaked out. At the beginning of the semester I had every weekend planned out so I would not be alone. I love people. I feed off of people. People make me happy. All semester long I had either been around people for class, worked on the weekend or was busy with a church activity on the weekend.

But one Friday (I never had class on Friday) there was no work for me to go to, and there was no church activity for me to busy myself with. It was just me. Me and my dorm room. I didn’t have a roommate (my choice) and the people living around me weren’t anyone I was interested in hanging out with. All my classmates either lived in another town too far away, or were married or had kids. No one to hang out with. I went nuts.

I tried to keep myself busy in my room, finding something to do. I even got out my guitar for the first time that semester. And when I called a friend, and we talked about how lonely I was, I couldn’t control myself. I bawled. I was a mess. I do not like being alone. This is something I pray that God does not have me do again. I know that God knows my heart and needs, and I pray this is something He does not have me experience ever again.

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One Response

  1. 1
    Anonymous 

    Of course, in that sort of situation, it sounds like that is God trying to get your attention and saying “Dana, try and spend your time with me!!!” I think that is one way that God gets our attention, but I totally understand what you mean about wanting to ebe with people more than you get to!